


Race

by Vanyel



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: In notes at end, Involving math and headcanons, Race, Whole Teams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-09
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-07 11:00:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6800965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanyel/pseuds/Vanyel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Scouts argue a bit more. The teams try to put it to rest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Race

“Dude, I’m totally faster!”

“Nah, man, you’re just kiddin’ yourself, I can run circles around ya any day!”

The two Scouts continued to berate each other, almost nose to nose on the control point as their teammates looked on, sighing.

“Look,” BLU said with a huff. “I’m faster than my team, an’ my team is faster than yours, so I gotta be faster than you.”

RED laughed sarcastically. “Please! Your Heavy looks like he’s wadin’ through gravy when he walks!”

“Still faster than yours takin’ a stroll, dumbass!”

The Soldiers looked at each other, the same idea coming to them at the same time, and nodded before stepping out to pull the Scouts away from each other, shouting in unison.

“WE WILL HAVE A RACE. BOTH TEAMS. EVERYONE. NO WEAPONS. JUST RUNNING.”

 

The track was set-a long winding road in the desert. Just run back to the base. The track was labeled thoroughly and wide enough for even the Scouts to stay on, with just enough twists and turns to keep things interesting. A simple premise: 1 on 1 comparisons of each team member, and an overall total of each team’s speed to determine the grand winner.

With the entirety of both teams taking the day “off” for this rather frivolous competition, Miss Pauling came out to be the referee, ignoring both of the posing and preening Scouts as the teams lined up at the starting line.

“All right, in lieu of the, uh, regularly scheduled battle, today will be a race between the members of RED and BLU.” She raised the gun slowly. “Ready, set...”

BANG!

The Scouts took off in a cloud of dust, the rest of the team beginning to follow. Miss Pauling climbed back into the truck, speeding her own way back to await the results at the finish line. It was an interesting question.

 

Heralding the arrival of the Scouts at the finish line was, as expected, the sound of loud arguing. 

“Jus’ give up already, I been one step ahead of ya the whole way!”

“Aw, I was goin’ easy on ya til now, see?”

“Get back here!”

RED stepped on BLU’s foot. BLU elbowed RED in the ribs.

They dashed their way across the finish line, turning back after skidding to identical stops. The Scouts spoke in unison.

“I totally won the race, didn’t I Miss Pa-”

 

Standing next to Miss Pauling at the edge of the finish line, flanking her like guards, were the RED and BLU Medics, smiling at the dumbfounded Scouts.

“Actually, boys, these two finished a good minute and a half ago,” Miss Pauling said, pushing her glasses up and continuing before she could be interrupted by the runners. “As for between the two of you, I’m still checking the print evidence, but it looked like a straight-up tie, just like the Medics had. Oh look, here come the Pyros.”

Skipping up and across the line hand-in-hand, the Pyros looked at the Scouts, confused, then looked at each other and shrugged.

 

The Scouts finally recovered enough to protest, in unison, as usual. They pointed at their own team’s Medic indignantly.

“There’s no way he’s as fast as me! Dere’s gotta be a mistake!”

BLU Medic stepped back, letting RED Medic take the floor for explanation, which he did with a broad smile.

“Herr Scout, and Herr Scout. On the battlefield, you each carry, what, a scattergun, pistol, and baseball bat?” He chuckled softly. “Whereas we each carry a metal Medigun containing enough machinery, which weighs a significant amount and slows us considerably while moving around the battlefield. So, take that weight away, and suddenly we are faster than you. It’s just science.”

 

This only brought more loud, indecipherable protests from the Scouts, drawing looks from the Engineers crossing the finish line right about then.

“But Doc,” RED scout whined, “I gotta at least be faster dan HIM!”

The Medics just looked at each other and laughed.

**Author's Note:**

> Normal Speed Ranking.  
> Scout  
> Medic  
> Pyro  
> Engineer  
> Sniper  
> Spy  
> Demo  
> Soldier   
> Heavy
> 
> Class speeds with stock weapons (likely effects of speed without any weapons):  
> Slight=~10%, Mid-Mod=~20%, Moderate=~30%  
> Scout 133% (no change-scattergun) - 133%  
> Soldier 80% (moderate increase-rocket launcher) - 110%  
> Pyro 100% (mid-moderate increase-flamethrower) - 120%  
> Demo 93% (slight increase-stickybomb launcher) - 103%  
> Heavy 77% (midmoderate increase-minigun) - 97%  
> Engineer 100% (slight increase-toolboxes) - 110%  
> Medic 107% (moderate increase-medigun pack) -137%  
> Sniper 100%(no or barely change-sniper rifle) - 100-101%  
> Spy 100% (no change-probably still wearing weapons) - 100%
> 
> Outcome:  
> Medic  
> Scout  
> Pyro  
> Engineer  
> Soldier  
> Demo  
> Sniper  
> Spy  
> Heavy
> 
> My math is just estimates. But I love this headcanon.


End file.
